I am 19 years old. I have to remind myself of that sometimes when thoughts of hopelessness start to creep into my mind. I am in my second year of college and with this, comes a sort of skewing of the world. My life ceases to continue on until I die, but rather stops at my graduation day. I begin to measure life based on school terms and try to plan all of my experiences into that time. I currently have 5 more semesters left to live and this is not enough time to do all of the things that I want to do, want to learn.
I am 19 years old, yet I have it somewhere in my mind that I only have the next two years to pursue my passions... I sometimes have to remind myself exactly how young I am. While I am not a child, I am far from past my prime (barely even in my prime actually).
I am far too wrapped up in academia. I am too focused on college and succeeding here when I should be focused on following what I love, out there in the world. My school is just one part of a complex universe. I am writing this, in a way, to share my struggle with the wider world (aka, whoever happens to read this damn thing) and also to help remind myself that I am far from out of time (although, this is no excuse to be lazy either :-P)
Sometimes it's good to reflect...
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Thursday, October 15, 2009
People Tension
Ok, so I had an experience today that, I must say, was one of the more intense experiences of my theatrical life....
I'll start with some background info. Ok, so I am a member of a newly forming dramatic group that goes by the name of Sacer Ludus. Today we had planned on meeting for about an hour and some change to do what it is that we do together (I phrase it like that because it isn't really a rehearsal, but they are not quite like your run of the mill theater exercises either...although it is closer to being an exercise session than a rehearsal session). Myself and another member of this group happened to be at an actual rehearsal for a play we are in beforehand and decided to head directly over to the meeting location immediately after we were done with rehearsal and wait on the rest of the people to show up. We get to the room at about 10:10.
At this point we are discussing different things and such and some how get on the topic of movement and how, while neither of us dance, we both like to move. Then this evolves into a sort of movement exchange where I would move, then she would move and then I'd move again. This sparked a new conversation, not as ourselves...but as heightened selves, creating a story/relationship as we went. It was one of intrigue and shy flirtation, I the pursuer, and she the pursued. We mixed expressinve movements, with witty banter, and a sort of energy that I cannot quite described. It was almost like improvisation....hell, it was improvisation...but free and unstructured. There were highs and lows, approaches and retreats. We were both playing off of one anothers signals with a sensitivity one could only dream of having in a written scene. She would throw the metaphorical ball and I would recieve it. I would throw it back and she would receive it. It is the most connected to a partner that I have ever been in a situation like that. There was no script, no prompt, not even a situation to adhere to...just playing action, receiving action, playing action, receiving action.
When it was all said and done, the clock read 10:45, and it was like time had barely moved at all. We broke our fiction (never a realer fiction have I ever experienced) only due to the realization that our group-mates had not arrived yet and it was past the time they were expected. Soon after we come to find out that the location of out meeting had changed. We packed up and proceeded to the new location, taking with us a sense of [unnameable] that in my experience has no equal.
I write this to convey to those reading, the true power that lies behind deep connection with another human being. There is an energy there, a force as natural as life. Live in it, bask in it, love in it, be in it. It is only in it that we can truly be in ourselves.
I'll start with some background info. Ok, so I am a member of a newly forming dramatic group that goes by the name of Sacer Ludus. Today we had planned on meeting for about an hour and some change to do what it is that we do together (I phrase it like that because it isn't really a rehearsal, but they are not quite like your run of the mill theater exercises either...although it is closer to being an exercise session than a rehearsal session). Myself and another member of this group happened to be at an actual rehearsal for a play we are in beforehand and decided to head directly over to the meeting location immediately after we were done with rehearsal and wait on the rest of the people to show up. We get to the room at about 10:10.
At this point we are discussing different things and such and some how get on the topic of movement and how, while neither of us dance, we both like to move. Then this evolves into a sort of movement exchange where I would move, then she would move and then I'd move again. This sparked a new conversation, not as ourselves...but as heightened selves, creating a story/relationship as we went. It was one of intrigue and shy flirtation, I the pursuer, and she the pursued. We mixed expressinve movements, with witty banter, and a sort of energy that I cannot quite described. It was almost like improvisation....hell, it was improvisation...but free and unstructured. There were highs and lows, approaches and retreats. We were both playing off of one anothers signals with a sensitivity one could only dream of having in a written scene. She would throw the metaphorical ball and I would recieve it. I would throw it back and she would receive it. It is the most connected to a partner that I have ever been in a situation like that. There was no script, no prompt, not even a situation to adhere to...just playing action, receiving action, playing action, receiving action.
When it was all said and done, the clock read 10:45, and it was like time had barely moved at all. We broke our fiction (never a realer fiction have I ever experienced) only due to the realization that our group-mates had not arrived yet and it was past the time they were expected. Soon after we come to find out that the location of out meeting had changed. We packed up and proceeded to the new location, taking with us a sense of [unnameable] that in my experience has no equal.
I write this to convey to those reading, the true power that lies behind deep connection with another human being. There is an energy there, a force as natural as life. Live in it, bask in it, love in it, be in it. It is only in it that we can truly be in ourselves.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Black above all?
This began as a tangent that I posted as a response to a friend of mine's facebook note, but I felt it would serve as a compelling first blog entry...
The subject is on social segregation, specifically, the self segregation of blacks in America. It is something that I have noticed for quite a while now, and it's not very comforting to see.
I have always found many in the African American community partaking in the same race based behaviors that they claim to hate so much. Not only this, but both acknowledging that fact and justifying it by claiming that "white people" did it to them first (as if every individual human-being lacking an abundance of melanin in their skin were included in this statement). Granted, this is by no means every African American, probably not even the majority, but enough, in my opinion, to worry me.
I often see what is revered to as the "BTay" at my school (a shorthand for Black Table), where an all black crew has gathered to eat together, divided from the other students. Now, don't get me wrong, I am by no means attacking "BTay" in and of itself. I see nothing wrong with a group of friends sitting together and eating. If all of those friends happen to be black, then who cares. (It is often the case that a group of friends will be made up of only Caucasians out of pure coincidence) It is however when a table such as this becomes exclusive that there is an issue. Once a person chooses to only associate with those of their race by virtue of race alone, something is wrong.
I view self-segregation as nothing but a road block on the route to equality. If we are always considered the "other" and reinforce that belief by willingly separating ourselves (whether it be out of spite, of fear, or duty) then we will never be truly equal (since "separate but equal" has already been recognized as a myth).
Another thing that bothers me: I have often found that when in a group of only African Americans (at least this has been my experience at school) the conversation often falls upon how they are discriminated against or why they feel alienated or any number of other complaints about the social order. I have heard some refer to these sessions as "therapeutic" but as a firm believer in the power of ones words to reinforce one's view of the world, I wonder just how helpful these rants actually are. And while yes, I am not naive, I realize that there is still racism in the world, I often get the feeling that frequently it is not so much the actual racism that holds people back, but the perception that there is racism present (even if there may not actually be any). This fear of the oppressed then serves to oppress them even further.
All in all, there are those in the black community too preoccupied with race. I have never felt so stigmatized by my dark skin, wide features, and ultra curly hair, than being around other people who lament constantly about discrimination and about their lot in life and so forth. In general, I feel that there is too much focus on black equality and nowhere near enough on equality of people in general.
What is important to keep in mind is that race is very much an illusion. It is more so a social construct than it is an actual divide. A persons skin tone, hair texture, and nose width is just as superficial as a person's height, hand size, ear type, tongue shape, and so on. That being said, the only way to change the social order and any injustice that results from it, is not to play to its beliefs. This includes forming ranks with your race in order to make sure that your race is treated equally because this only supports the idea of race in general and that blacks are somehow different than whites beyond superficial physical characteristics. It is only when all people can stand together (and sit together, and eat together, etc.) that true equality can be gained. Only when we get rid of this idea of "us" and "them" and realize that they are us, and we are them.
Yes, I know I'm sounding rather preachy at the moment, but these are points that I feel are very important to drive home. You are encouraged to comment below, I would love to hear people's opinions on this issue.
The subject is on social segregation, specifically, the self segregation of blacks in America. It is something that I have noticed for quite a while now, and it's not very comforting to see.
I have always found many in the African American community partaking in the same race based behaviors that they claim to hate so much. Not only this, but both acknowledging that fact and justifying it by claiming that "white people" did it to them first (as if every individual human-being lacking an abundance of melanin in their skin were included in this statement). Granted, this is by no means every African American, probably not even the majority, but enough, in my opinion, to worry me.
I often see what is revered to as the "BTay" at my school (a shorthand for Black Table), where an all black crew has gathered to eat together, divided from the other students. Now, don't get me wrong, I am by no means attacking "BTay" in and of itself. I see nothing wrong with a group of friends sitting together and eating. If all of those friends happen to be black, then who cares. (It is often the case that a group of friends will be made up of only Caucasians out of pure coincidence) It is however when a table such as this becomes exclusive that there is an issue. Once a person chooses to only associate with those of their race by virtue of race alone, something is wrong.
I view self-segregation as nothing but a road block on the route to equality. If we are always considered the "other" and reinforce that belief by willingly separating ourselves (whether it be out of spite, of fear, or duty) then we will never be truly equal (since "separate but equal" has already been recognized as a myth).
Another thing that bothers me: I have often found that when in a group of only African Americans (at least this has been my experience at school) the conversation often falls upon how they are discriminated against or why they feel alienated or any number of other complaints about the social order. I have heard some refer to these sessions as "therapeutic" but as a firm believer in the power of ones words to reinforce one's view of the world, I wonder just how helpful these rants actually are. And while yes, I am not naive, I realize that there is still racism in the world, I often get the feeling that frequently it is not so much the actual racism that holds people back, but the perception that there is racism present (even if there may not actually be any). This fear of the oppressed then serves to oppress them even further.
All in all, there are those in the black community too preoccupied with race. I have never felt so stigmatized by my dark skin, wide features, and ultra curly hair, than being around other people who lament constantly about discrimination and about their lot in life and so forth. In general, I feel that there is too much focus on black equality and nowhere near enough on equality of people in general.
What is important to keep in mind is that race is very much an illusion. It is more so a social construct than it is an actual divide. A persons skin tone, hair texture, and nose width is just as superficial as a person's height, hand size, ear type, tongue shape, and so on. That being said, the only way to change the social order and any injustice that results from it, is not to play to its beliefs. This includes forming ranks with your race in order to make sure that your race is treated equally because this only supports the idea of race in general and that blacks are somehow different than whites beyond superficial physical characteristics. It is only when all people can stand together (and sit together, and eat together, etc.) that true equality can be gained. Only when we get rid of this idea of "us" and "them" and realize that they are us, and we are them.
Yes, I know I'm sounding rather preachy at the moment, but these are points that I feel are very important to drive home. You are encouraged to comment below, I would love to hear people's opinions on this issue.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
New on the scene
Hello all, Jesse here. I'm new to the whole blogging thing, but I figured I'd give it a shot, having things to say and all. I have a funny story about an Opossum that was found in the Activities room of my Dorm building to share, I'll do it a bit later though. Right now, HW awaits.
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